I'm no Superman
by lysjelonken
Summary: Kensi Blye had always had somewhat of a fascination with the concept of heroes. - A oneshot around the subject of Superheroes and the important men in Kensi's life. Densi


**I'm no Superman**

**A superhero-themed oneshot, centring around significant men in Kensi's life.**

**Superheroes alluded to (in order of appearance/allusion): Batman, Superman, Captain America, Wonderwoman, Aquaman**

**Although I am still on a writing hiatus (although it may not seem so with two fics in a week), I am right now on vacation and therefore have a sweet little surge of time to write. I really enjoyed dipping my toe back into writing with Home For Christmas, and now this fic, and I really appreciate all the reviews, favourites and follows, so an extra special thank you to any readers who supported me there.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS: Los Angeles, any of its characters etc.**

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Kensi Blye had always had somewhat of a fascination with the concept of heroes.

It probably began on those long summer days she spent reading through her father's Marvel comic book collection as a kid. The idea of normal, unassuming people doing such amazing things - saving others with spectacular, technicolour flair… Young Kensi was fascinated. And her fascination stuck throughout her life.

Her first crush happened when she was eleven. His name was Brandon Doyle, two grades older and an army brat like her. One day a group of girls in her class started teasing her about her family being in the army; he swooped in, tall and lanky and dark, and chased them away. She was completely, embarrassingly star struck from that moment on. He was so _mysterious…_ in that completely obvious way teenage boys try so often to emulate.

So she started talking to him when they walked from the bus stop by the base to their houses. He wasn't that talkative, but when he spoke he was smart and funny in a dry way she hadn't known. Soon the young Kensi was completely and totally in love. They weren't boyfriend and girlfriend or anything… But the way he smiled crookedly at her when she waved goodbye at her gate made her feel like a _girl _– not just one of the boys, a friend to run around with. This went on for some week. At that age, a lifetime.

Until she found him and his friends hanging out on the base, and asked him if she could hang out with him. And when his friends laughed her away, he didn't defend her like her spiky-haired superhero should've, and laughed along, bending to adolescent peer pressure.

In the end Brandon Doyle was a disappointment. Behind the charm of his "teenage rebel" act, and his one shining moment of bravery, was no strength of character. Still it was a significant moment for Kensi. After all, beneath the hard shell and tough exterior was a little girl, hoping for her own happy ending. To be whisked away into the sunset by her very own hero. And as underwhelming as Brandon ended up being, he was the first boy to steal her heart.

After his cruel rejection, Kensi went and cried in the arms of the true superhero in her life – _Dad. _Even as a grown woman, she is unable to liken the man to anything less than the characters she read about through her childhood. Even knowing what she knew now about the secrets he kept. He was the best man she had ever known: strong and dependable, but compassionate and caring. She completely idolized him. He was her Superman.

But after that night when she rebelliously snuck out the watch Titanic, when her dad was cruelly, suddenly taken and her family life imploded…

Kensi was reluctantly stripped of the fantasy of heroes.

So she had to start being her own.

And she was nothing less, those years living on the street. She impressed herself with how resourceful and clever she could be. She realized that she was strong enough to survive on her own. And with this newfound confidence in herself, she walked out of the years of trial and loneliness, straight into the arms of Jack. The man was an absolute mirror of her father, physically and in his personality. She found solace in his solidity, his sureness, and the familiarity of his military background. Only months after meeting her, he said the L-word. After less than a year she had a ring on her finger. She was so sure he was the happy ending she dreamed of. She was convinced he was the redemption of her hero-fantasy. He wasn't quite Superman – although valiant and brave, he wasn't quite as flashy. She couldn't quite imagine him swooping in to save her, like she always did her dad when she was younger, feeling alone and scared. But Jack was a soldier. Strong and brave and loyal, to his country, and to her. She found that attractive.

Until he came back from that tour.

He wasn't the same. And no matter how hard she tried to help him and get him back to the man he was, it felt like a futile battle. Their relationship, previously so sure and secure, was now a constant state of treading water. Trying and trying to keep her head above water, trying not to drown…

After that Christmas morning when she woke up alone, she was forced back into the same lonely world she was stranded in before. And, because too many of the men she had relied on in the past turned out to be retards in tinfoil instead of the advertised "knights", Kensi developed a plan of action to protect herself. She would not let another man close to her; she would guard her heart with all her might. She feared she might not be able to take another disappointment.

She threw herself into work and quickly became recognized as talented and hardworking. Soon she became an Agent in an elite crime fighting team. It was a solidary life, but one she was satisfied with, all things considered, and definitely good at. She lived under the illusion of her own strength and bravery for a long time; she lived as if she was immortal, as if she had nothing to lose.

She became _Wonderwoman. _A hardcore heroine, blazing her own trail alongside the rest of the heroes.

Deekscoined that term of endearment for her first.

He was a strange one, Deeks. A man unlike anyone she'd ever known. Initially he annoyed the hell out of her. All of his inappropriate (and not-at-all-funny) jokes in the workplace; how he never, _ever _stopped talking, and ended every sentence in one of the several nicknames he had for her; how she found his scruffy face, lean body and baby blues so annoyingly attractive, despite it being so far from her "type"… But with time she found herself doing something she never imagined she'd do again.

She let him in. She allowed him to edge away at the cold marble armour she protected herself with; she let him become her friend. And, with time, her feelings towards him grew. Although she struggled so fervently against admitting it. Despite her resistance, her growing relationship with Deeks changed Kensi. He made her trust him, when he saved her life pulling her from a room of lasers. He made her loosen up, with an endless stream of jokes in the workplace, flirty comments and _Fern_'s. And on one sunny day, sitting inappropriately close to him on a couch in a beautiful suburban home, just talking, Kensi found herself wanting things she didn't imagine ever wanting. Deeks changed her in the best possible way. She was terrified of it though – of _him_. Because he gave her something to live for, and something to lose. He was her greatest weakness.

If Kensi had to liken Deeks to a protagonist one might find in a comic book… it'd probably Aquaman. Partly because of the obvious likenesses: the blonde hair, and love of the sea. And he was always a little bit different than all the other heroes, sauntering about with their serious expressions. And as a result, no one really takes him all that seriously. He's underestimated.

But he's a hero nonetheless. Yes, a hero indeed. And not the kind that rode on giant seahorse either. He showed her his bravery and strength and worthiness every day working alongside her. He had her back, and saved her life (numerous times). More importantly - he got the intensely independent wonder woman Kensi Blye to trust the silly surfing superhero. He got her to fall irrefutably in love with him.

It took a little bit longer for the rest of the team to trust and respect him – at least to the same extent they did the other members of the team. They always trusted him to shoot straight and do his job. But it was probably only after the business with Sidirov that they truly realized that Deeks was more than just a comic relief character. He well and truly proved himself just as tough, just as loyal, just as strong as every other member of the team. As any other hero.

But afterwards -

The fallout of Deeks' torture left him different. Cracked. Sometimes Kensi feared that she would never get him back completely. Sure, he still made the occasional joke, but the sparkle in his clear blue eyes was missing every time. And, for the first time in a long time, the unflappable, unconquerable Woman of Steel Kensi Blye found herself quivering in her combat boots. She was scared – of not being strong enough to help him through this, of failing and letting him down, of losing him. Nothing scared her more than the idea of going back to where she was before Deeks. Living day to day, assignment to assignment, with no one around to remind her not to take everything all that seriously. No one to spend a night watching movies, eating ice cream and drinking beer with, to escape and forget a particularly difficult case.

She didn't want to be alone again.

More importantly, she didn't want to be without _him_.

Because, as she was realizing, Deeks was not only her greatest weakness, but also her strength. He made her braver, because she knew she could trust him to have her back. But he also made her feel safe and secure, because she knew she could trust him with her heart. He made her a better person. A more complete person.

Kensi sighed as she absently paged through one of Deeks' comic books which she found scattered across his bedroom. It was a vintage one, sheathed in protective plastic. _Nerd, _she found herself thinking with amusement. Deeks was lying beside her, still in his jeans and T-shirt, but snoring softly. At least she managed to get him to his bed this time. She'd been over the last couple nights, as moral support. Partnerly bonding after such a long partnering hiatus, they called it when Sam and Callen teased. He'd been put on sleeping pills to help with his insomnia, and she made sure to make him take them after dinner as prescribed. They were pretty strong, so most of the time he fell asleep on the couch, mid-movie. Tonight she managed to lead a very sleepy, loopy Deeks (who was all the while muttering "Most girls buy me a drink first") to his room and take off his shoes before he fell asleep.

Now she was sitting with her back against the headboard of his bed, watching as he slept deeply, and pretending to be reading one of his comic books while she was actually following a very emotional train of thought. Thinking about him, and her, and the absurdity of the concept of superheroes.

Kensi swallowed, feeling the thick cloud of sadness settle on her chest. She put the comic book down and shifted, slowly, until she was close to him.

"Deeks?" She whispered, a waver in her voice. He groaned and shifted in his sleep, but didn't wake. "Deeks, you can't let this beat you, okay?" She whispered. "I need you to-… I just, I need you here. I can't do it without you anymore. _You're _it. You're what makes me brave, and strong, and… _better_." She sniffled. "And I can't do it without you anymore. I need you. So _please…_"

Her confession made her brave. She swung her legs over the side of the bed and toed off her shoes, the lifted the covers and climbed underneath them. She shifted close to him and wrapped an arm around his torso, feeling the delicious heat of his body against hers. Deeks instinctively shifted towards her body heat, snuggling around her.

She looked at his slumbering face. His nose twitched in his sleep, and she felt a smile spread over his face.

"My hero." She whispered.

**Very cheesy, I know. But I really hope you guys enjoyed it, and please let me know what you think with a review!**

**Much love, **

**Zanny**


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